


Secrets: Clerical Errors

by CuddlerOfDragons



Series: Secrets [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 00:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19937197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuddlerOfDragons/pseuds/CuddlerOfDragons
Summary: Lucifer visits people in Hell.Post season 4.  Spoilers, obviously.Canon friendly.





	Secrets: Clerical Errors

“I hing ere’s een a is-aae.” The man said, his voice muffled and desperate.

“You think there’s been a mistake, do you? What would you be basing _that_ opinion on?” Lucifer purred.

“Ee aed..”

“Hold on, let me help you with that.” Lucifer reached down and took the back of the man’s shirt collar in one hand and a generous handful of his hair in the other, then he pulled. The man rose smoothly to his feet, leaving behind - with a sickening squelch - the broken piece of wood that had been hindering his communication skills. He spat out a splinter.

“He said I was doing _good;_ God’s work.”

“And who would _he_ be?” Lucifer asked, although he knew.

“Father Kinley.”

“Of course. Well, he _is_ on my list, I _was_ going to save him for later but…” He smiled and the man flinched, so many teeth… “You just hold on here, I’ll be back in a tick.”

True to his word, Lucifer was back almost instantly, with Father Kinley. Kinley still wore the insufferably smug expression of someone certain of his own righteousness.

“Take a seat, gentleman.“ Lucifer said, gesturing to the remaining chairs.

“I answer to a higher authority, _Adversary_.” Kinley said, defiantly standing, while the other man meekly sat.

“ _I_ am the highest authority in _this_ place.” Lucifer said, quietly. “Sit.” He deliberately put power into the word and Kinley caved and sat. “My Father not only has _no_ authority here, he can’t even see _in_. No prayers can reach him from here, _I_ am as much divinity as _you_ will ever see.”

“I was serving _Him_.” Kinley said, confidently.

“And Oscar here was serving _you_ , your point?”

“Oscar was more than happy to murder, on the _flimsiest_ of pretexts, _he_ belongs here, I d…” Abruptly, Kinley closed his mouth.

“How _was_ that sentence going to end, I wonder.” Lucifer said, smirking.

“They were bad people, sinners, _he_ said they deserved to die.” Oscar Rivas said, confidently.

“Luke might have been a bit of a twat but when he wrote about joy in Heaven over one repenting sinner, I don’t think he meant that other humans should eagerly speed the repentant to their reward.” Lucifer said.

“I didn’t kill no Luke.”

“He’s quoting, you ignoramus; Luke 15:7.” Kinley snarled contemptuously. “The Devil’s _actually_ citing scripture for his own purpose.”

“No need to bring dear Will into this, _I_ only helped him out with _Hamlet_.” Lucifer said, then, turning to the hapless, perforated, Oscar: “What we’re trying to say, is that _you_ killed two innocent people who were on the stony path to redemption.”

“No. They were pretending, Susan was back on drugs, Dave was…”

“Even if that had been _true_ , they didn’t deserve to be killed.”

“Don’t listen to the Prince of Lies, he…”

“Prince of Lies, _Father_ of Lies, do you know how I _earned_ thosetitles, _Willy_?” Lucifer interrupted, contracting Kinley‘s name to it‘s least dignified option.

“Obviously, all the lies you tell.” Kinley scoffed.

“Nope.” Lucifer said, popping the ‘p’. “It’s because, in addition to being the subject of the _first_ lie, I also have the dubious distinction of being the _most_ lied about. In _all_ of creation.” He sighed. “So, _Willy_ , I think you’d better tell Oscar here, the truth.”

“They weren’t backsliding at all, they were just _convenient_.” Kinley said, clearly fighting every word. “I needed The Devil to reveal himself, so I used you.”

“And it didn’t work. I killed _them_ and _myself_ , for _nothing?”_

“Satisfy my morbid curiosity, why _did_ you kill yourself?” Lucifer asked.

“You were going to torture and kill me, _my_ way was quicker.”

“Was it? It didn’t look very quick. How long had you been kneeling there, before I came in?”

“I don’t know, _years?_ It should have been instant…”

“Oh it _was_ \- on Earth - but down _here_ , it’s your _punishment;_ for the rest of eternity. And for the record? The worst you would have got from _me_ , on Earth, would have been the local justice system. However, you‘re _here_ now…”

“And I deserve to be.” Oscar Rivas paused to spit blood in Kinley’s face, before kneeling back on the floor, opening his mouth and plunging the splintered wood back through his head.

“And now it’s your turn.” Lucifer said, watching Kinley as he tried to rub the blood from his face with his sleeve. “Confess.”

“I have… noth… I haven’t…” Kinley was struggling. He wanted to say he had nothing to confess but the words couldn’t be spoken.

“Let me help.” Lucifer smirked. “Tell me what a ‘Vatican Investigator’ _does_.”

“I hunt down people who are possessed by demons, perform an exorcism and bring their souls back to God.” Kinley said, relief in his voice; this was easier to talk about.

“Does the exorcism process _hurt_ , by any chance?”

“Naturally, how else would the demons be forced to leave?”

“And how many of the humans were _permanently_ damaged by this?”

“Most of them and there have been a fair number of deaths but at least their souls were free of demonic taint.” Kinley was sounding more confident, now; he was even smiling at his own cleverness.

“And what if I were to tell you that _none_ of these people were possessed, that you _have_ , in fact, been torturing and murdering the mentally ill; what then?”

“You’re lying.”

“I never lie, _remember?”_

“The biggest _lie_ of all.”

“Lie to _me_. Right now. Tell me a _lie_ , any lie; lie about your age, tell me you’re a woman, under that beard. **_Lie_**.”

“I… I’m… _Please_ …”

“You can’t, can you? That’s one of Hell’s _secrets_. You _can’t_ tell lies here, not even to yourself.” Lucifer looked across at the huge mirror on the wall - unbroken, Oscar hadn’t lived to see _that_ happen - he brushed imaginary lint from his suit or maybe it was ash. “I think, _Willy_ , that you should stand here, look at yourself in the mirror and confess.”

“Will it _help?”_

“Not in the slightest but it _will_ pass the time; for a while.”

By the time Kinley had walked to the mirror, The Devil had vanished.


End file.
